Chasing pavements

Friday, August 29, around 6:30 in the evening.

I was driving around Megamall waiting for my officemates, who were buying clothes for the next day's company party. Suddenly I saw her. The girl I love. She was walking to the MRT, I suppose and she was with someone, maybe an officemate. She was wearing a green/brown shirt, jeans and sneakers. Her hair was down as always, the way I loved it. Her companion was carrying some stuff. One was a kinda big plastic bag and the other maybe his office bag (yeah, the companion was a guy)

But she was not smiling. Maybe she was tired. I knew it was her off because I knew her schedule. But what I didn't know is what her rest days are because from what I know, her rest days are thursday and friday. Nevermind.

Anyway, I wanted to park and say hello to her. Yet, something stopped me. For some wierd reason that I don't know, we're not talking. Ever since we were together 2 saturdays ago and ever since I gave her something for her and her kid to enjoy, I just received only 1 text from her.

It was hell week, she said in that only text she sent. I understood that. I didn't really expect her to text me. Who am I to demand her time? Yet I was bothered big time.

I remember this scene in a live anime I recently saw in dvd. A gay guy, who was in love with his senpai, was talking to this girl. He said, "The more I tried to get to know him, the more it hurt." He was referring to his senpai.

Was I feeling like this now??? Was I really feeling hurt? I tried to compose myself from all these thinking. I'm not suppose to do anything beyond what's right. I'm not suppose to expect. And most of all, I'm not suppose to get hurt. Here is the girl I love so dearly yet in the same time, the girl I may never be with. I accepted this fate and knew the risk.

Her boyfriend is a friend of mine and I have too much respect for him. Though he has his faults, he took care of her greatly in his own way and she loved him for that. There were times that their relationship was turbulent yet they survived it all. And in the end, They both will find a way to work everything out.

So where does this leave me? Second fiddle? Her ever-loving kuya? The frustrated guy? I don't really know. This August had given month too much stress that I didn't really had time to think...except for this past week.

Now that i saw her, what will I do? Park in the side and say hello? Or just drive away without her seeing me? It took me all of 5 seconds to make my decision (that time, I was in the middle of the road). I chose the second. I just drove away.

And even up to now, no text.