Starting Over Again

The past week, I had to start over again. I had to regain some composure of mine before I finally succumb to insanity. I have always been trying to be as composed as possible to overcome this. But because of the numerous things that had happened, especially the time I lost someone whom I began to care a lot.

So the day after getting myself drunk, I went straight to the doctor to figure out what was causing my insomnia. Fortunately, he didn't find anything wrong although he didn't prescribed any medicine to me. He merely advised that I try avoiding drinks with caffeine. So ever since, I've had only one cup of coffee.

I went to my old high school mentor whom I go to whenever I needed guidance. It was always refreshing to see my mentor. He had always helped at times when I was down. And this was no exception. Our talk took 3 hours. I cried to him with all my heart, telling him how stupid I was to lose her and how things are not going my way. He gave me advices on how to handle my situations. As for her, he told me to give her time to think and if I can't stop thinking about her, to use her memory for my advantage.

So that's what I did. I'm starting to learn to cook, just the simple dishes. Hopefully, I'll be able to cook adobo or something.

I began working out and eating less. I realized I was overweight and started to think about my health. Last Thursday, I weighed myself and was quite surprise to see that I lost 12 pounds, from 170 to 158. Seeing that, I became more motivated to work out.

I began praying to God. I'm not really the type who'd go to church regularly but recently, I found comfort in Him. Whenever I talk to him, I feel comfort and peace. My life has been upside down but I guess he has a purpose for doing that. Then I prayed for her. That she be happy wherever she is and that she makes the right decisions.

I recently got my increase at work. It's more than what I expected to get but for me, it's still not enough. Right now, I'm seriously leaning on getting a second job. But I still have to weigh things. My boss just told me to think about it carefully because it might affect my health. Then he told me that he had plans for me. Hopefully it happens.

After all this, I began to feel good.

But deep inside, I'm still really sad.