For the first time after...

For the first time in almost 2 month, I finally saw Jayne...

I went down the building to smoke during lunchbreak. Then the elevator where I was riding suddenly stopped at her floor. There she went in. My officemate who was with me that time, suddenly poked me hard, signalling me that Jayne went in.

So I took a look. Yeah, she was there. She got thinner. She had a ponytail on, which I never saw the time we were still together. After looking at her, I looked the other way, hoping that she won't see me.

And we got out off the elevator (she went out first), I felt myself suddenly shaking. My officemate was teasing about the moment but I just shrugged it off. Yet he was nice enough not to comment about my shaking.

When we got up to our office again. I excused myself to go to the CR. As I got in the cubicle, tears were falling out of my eyes. I silently cried.

Now I knew how I really felt about Jayne. I still have so much feelings for her. Yet because of my stupidity, I suddenly lost her. I have become a sort of criminal to her. I don't belong to her life now. I've accepted that fact but it's took out a big part off me. The pain never seemed to fade, just when I thought I've gotten over her.

But I guess that's life. Things come and go. I've lost too many things these days that I don't know if there's something there for me again.

In the end, I want to be left alone...